Gansey doesn't Know
by She Reads She Blogs
Summary: Gansey confronts Ronan about his attitude towards Blue. Ronan lets Gansey in on a secret.


Ronan leaned over the pool table, stick in hand, eyes focused on the freshly racked balls in front of him. He drew in a steady breath and the made his shot with fierce accuracy, scattering the balls quite evenly about the table, and sinking two into the right corner pocket. He looked up, at his opponent, and blew the boy a mocking kiss.

"Solids." Gansey announced, "Again. You do know that stripes don't have koodies, don't you?"

Ronan ignored his friend and proceeded to take two more turns, knocking the green and yellow balls off the table. When his run was over, he stood back to watch Gansey make a mess of the table.

"Solids are lucky." He laughed as Gansey shot and missed by about a quarter mile. "Not that any amount of luck will help you. Tell me again, why you bought a pool table? Something about being a gluten for punishment, wasn't it?"

"Luck has nothing to do with it. You just don't like stripes. Never have. Remember that time your mother made you , Declan and Matthew , wear those adorable matching striped polo shirts in your family photo?" Gansey was laughing both at the memory, and at Ronan's pointed expression as he recalled it. "That photo belongs in frame. Matter of fact, I think I still have it somewhere around here…"

"That photo" Ronan interjected, "belongs in a fire, and if you do still have it you better keep it hidden because I will torch it faster than I am whooping your ass at this round of pool."

"That settles it, then. I'll have a thousand prints by nightfall, and come tomorrow this place will be wallpapered in the Lynch brothers infamous stripes."

The pool game was put on hold for a momentary fit of laughter. It felt like ages since Gansey and Ronan were able to be light with one another in this way. Aurora Lynch's awakening had worked wonders on the rough edges that had encompassed Ronan. He was like a rock in a tumbler, his surface smoother with the passing of each day.

"You go ahead and plaster my face all over your walls, Gansey. I'll dream you a blow up Ronan to sleep with too, since you clearly can't get enough of me." More laughter insured.

Adam had let himself in though the front door and snuck up on them. He shot them a playful look that said 'I caught the wrong end of this conversation', and then plopped down on the mattress, letting a long, tired sigh escape him. He was covered in grease and smelled of motor oil.

"Long day?" Gansey asked.

"No longer than the rest of them." Adam was clearly not in the mood to discuss his day. "What have you two been doing? Aside from making plans to sleep with one another, of course." This was also a joke, but Adam's voice didn't carry the playful tone that Gansey's did, and it put Ronan on edge.

"Not with each other, Parrish. I'm not sharing my bed with anyone. Gansey on the other hand, well he may or may not have a giant stuffed bear named Ronan, hidden somewhere in here."

"Yes, and he's wearing a striped polo shirt" Gansey added, face red with contained laughter.

Adam sat up on the mattress and looked at the two of them, all smiles and pool sticks. He wished he could join them in their merriment, but his heart wasn't in it. His mind was filled with rushing whispers and Blue's tears. He wondered how long her rejection was going to sting him. He would most certainly rather have a broken limb than a rejected heart. Broken bones didn't keep him up all night, and leave him feeling drained all day.

Noticing Adam's somber appearance, Ronan's laughter was cut short. Gansey was the first to actually comment on it however.

"Adam, I think perhaps you should take a sick day. You don't look so well, and it can't be good for you to be working so hard on , oh, lets say zero hours of sleep."

"Work isn't what's bad for me, it's the only thing that's helping actually." He didn't need to tell them what he meant. It was obvious that work was a welcome distraction from the continuous thoughts of Blue.

"I've got some killer sleeping pills" Ronan offered.

"Thanks. But no thanks. Sleep just brings dreams and dreams… well, I don't think I really have to explain that to you." He didn't mean it in any other way than how he said it. Ronan, of all people, should know how unwelcome dreams could often be. But when Adam spoke of dreams all Ronan could think of was the need to change the subject, and fast.

"Yeah, well, how about I kick your ass at pool? I'm sure Gansey would be happy to take a break from the beating." As soon as the words left his mouth he was kicking himself. _Beating? Kick you'r ass? Could you be any more of a jackass? _He mentally scolded himself. Ronan ignored Gansey's chastising glance, he already knew that he needed to be more careful with his words when it came to Adam. He just wasn't sure he could be, since he was already trying to be more careful with his thoughts.

Gansey quickly agreed, that he would in fact be happy to take a break from playing pool. He thought that what Adam needed was just a bit of normalcy, and maybe playing a stupid game with his friends was just the ticket. Adam, however, declined the chance at losing to Ronan in a game of hitting balls with sticks.

"Is it Blue? Or is it Glendower?" Gansey asked. He knew he shouldn't have, because both subjects seemed off limits as of late. But he couldn't help himself. He needed to know. He told himself he was just anxious to get news about Glendower, but he knew that was a lie.

Adam considered the question. Was it just Blue? Or was it just Glendower? Or was it a horrible mixture of the two? He was inclined to think it was both. He had been hearing whispers and seeing things before Persephone helped him restore the ley line. Since then, the voices and vision had stopped. But in their wake came a restless feeling of urgency. There was something he was supposed to be doing, but he didn't know what it was. He would have consulted Persephone if not for the fact that she was always with Blue.

At the thought of Blue, he felt a pain like a blow to his gut. He wished he was able to help find her mom, and he wished was capable of being around her without anger. But Blue's rejection was too familiar. He hadn't expected it from her and so it felt cruel, though he knew she was not a cruel person. He hated that he was so damaged and unable to cope with rejection. It was not her fault. She was honest with him and that's all there was to it. But that couldn't be all there was to it, not for Adam. In his mind, there had to be someone at fault and that someone would always be himself. It was his fault when his father hit him. It was his fault when his mother couldn't bare to look at him. It was his fault Blue didn't want him. He knew better, but he didn't know any different.

"Both." He finally said. "It's Glendower and it's Blue."

Gansey wished that he knew what to say. He was never able to comfort Adam, unaware of what it was that his friend really needed. Adam himself was not aware of what he needed. All that Gansey knew was this- he felt horrible. Horrible that Adam was in the middle of all this Glendower business. Horrible that he had put him there. Horrible that he was the reason Blue couldn't want Adam. Horrible that he was happy she didn't want Adam. Most of all, he felt horrible that he wanted Blue.

"You know, I think maybe I just need to go for a walk or something. Try and clear my head. Again." And with that, Adam stood and walked to the door. He paused for a minute, then turned and looked at Ronan.

"Thank you, for the offer. Both offers. For the pills and for the game. I'm glade at least one of us isn't having nightmares these days." And then he left, shutting the door behind him.

After Adam had gone, Ronan and Gansey weren't in the mood for pool anymore. Both boys knew that Adam was in a dark place, and they both wished he wasn't. Although Adam hadn't been their friend as long as they had been each others, he had come to be a part of their makeshift family.

"Man, I didn't realize he had been so into her." Gansey was thinking out loud. The thought annoyed Ronan.

"How could you not have realized it? Parrish turns puppy dog whenever she's around."

"I just thought, you know, he liked her. I didn't think it was bigger than that." He was telling the truth. He hadn't thought it was bigger than that. Adam and Blue had only one thing in common and it was money. Gansey hadn't thought that would ever be enough to sustain an actual relationship. He always figured they would be a thing for a short while and then they would not be a thing.

"Blue" Ronan said her name like it was a poison in his mouth, "what kind of a name is that anyways?"

Gansey had always thought her name was odd, that was why he called her Jane. But lately, he hadn't been thinking about her name. It was her eyes and her smell and her hair and the way that she always said the last thing he would expect her to say. Those were the things he had been thinking about. And her lips.

"I don't know" was all Gansey said. He couldn't say anything else without giving away the nature of his thoughts on the matter. He was busy racking his brain for a topic more suitable for discussion. He wasn't paying attention to Ronan, who was now clutching one of the pool balls in his fist. He wasn't paying attention, that is, until the ball flew past him, ricocheting off of the wall behind him and rolling under his desk.

"What the hell?!" Gansey shouted. "Ronan, what's your problem? Are you trying to kill me?"

"Oh shut up. If wanted to hit you I would have." And this was true. Clearly the ball hadn't been aimed at Gansey. So what was the point of throwing it? Only when Gansey bent down to retrieve the ball did he understand. The ball was blue.

"Blue?" Gansey said her name like a question, but it wasn't really a question. Still, Ronan answered.

"Blue." Her name left his mouth like he was spitting out sour milk.

There was a moment of silence between them. And then Ronan went to his room and slammed the door leaving Gansey alone, with his pool table and his thoughts.

Gansey sat on his bed, holding the blue ball, rotating it and studying it as if it was a thing of wonder. Ronan had thrown this ball with such disdain. Gansey was suddenly overcome by a panic so intense it lifted him from his mattress. He paced back and forth, ball in hand, thinking the worst of thoughts. _That's why Ronan is so Rude to her_. He thought. _What an imbecile! _He laughed. And then, _this couldn't be any worse if Shakespeare himself had written it. _

Gansey entered Ronan's room without knocking. Ronan was propped up on his bed with his ear buds in, listening to some foul music that Gansey was grateful not to have to hear. When he saw Gansey, he removed one ear bud and raised his eyebrows as if to say 'what do you want?'.

Gansey wasn't sure how to do this. This had never happened with them before. He had kept his feeling for Blue a secret from Adam and from Ronan. He wasn't ready to tell anyone the truth about how his feelings for Blue, but now, he didn't think he had a choice.

"I like her too." There. He said it. It felt strange, saying it out loud.

Ronan yanked the other ear bud out.

"No shit" he said.

Gansey was dumbfounded. He was certain he had not been obvious about this. And if Ronan knew, did that mean Adam knew? No. If Adam knew there would have been a discussion. Adam would have said something. But, if Ronan knew then maybe that's why he had thrown the ball. Maybe it wasn't just because Adam liked her. Maybe it was because Adam and Gansey liked her. It had been bad enough for Gansey, knowing that one of his friends had feelings for the same girl as him. It must have been more difficult for Ronan, knowing TWO of his friends, his only friends really, had feelings for the same girl as him.

"Well, this is quite the predicament." Ronan didn't understand what the other boy meant by predicament. So he liked Blue, whoop-dee-doo.

"So you like her too. I'll alert the media. Is it really a predicament?" He asked.

"Yes. Well, I suppose it makes sense. But we can't tell Adam. This is Awkward enough, both of us knowing. Adam doesn't need to know. At least, not now. Perhaps in a few weeks…" What on earth was Gansey rambling about. _Shit_, Ronan thought. _He's fucking figured it out. _

"Adam doesn't ever need to know." Ronan spoke slowly and cautiously. He had thought Gansey wouldn't ever approach the subject. Now that he was, Ronan was relieved and anxious all at once.

"Well, I don't know about never," Gansey said. "I mean we owe him the truth. He is our friend also, Ronan. If we can be honest with each other we owe the same to him."

"Look," Ronan was on his feet, "You go ahead and tell Parrish about your schoolboy crush on Blue if you want to. But…"

"_Schoolboy crush?" _Ganssey echoed. "Well, now that's being a bit unfair. What makes you so sure my feelings are less than yours?" He demanded.

"Ha! Listen to you! It's taken you how long to admit this to yourself? And you think _youre _feelings are more serious than mine. That's rich, Dick."

"Oh! And I suppose you've known all along, then haven't you? And what? You think teasing her and being rude is the appropriate way to show affection? We are not in kindergarten, Ronan."

Ronan couldn't believe what he was hearing. Here he had thought that his best friend had finally figured out his secret, when in reality Gansey couldn't have been farther from knowing than the truth. Did he really think that Ronan liked _Blue Sargent_? It was such a ridiculous idea that Ronan couldn't help but laugh.

"This is not a laughing matter." Gansey said matter of factly.

"Oh?, yes, it is" Ronan snorted. "You've had some ridiculous ideas, Gansey. But this? Man, you have really out done yourself this time." Ronan gathered his composure. This was it. He was going to tell Gansey the truth, if only to set him straight. He couldn't bare the thought of anyone thinking he was attracted to Blue.

Gansey just stood there, dubiously glaring at Ronan.

"look, Ronan" he sighed, "you are my best friend, and there's nothing that can change that. But please, just don't laugh at me. I'm trying, and I mean _really_ trying to get a grip on this thing. And I know it's ridiculous, for me to think she and I could ever be anything more than friends. I knew that before, when I thought it was just Adam and I who saw her that way. And now, you too. I just don't see it as being funny." Ronan listened, as he processed what he was about to do. He couldn't stand it when Gansey was like this. Seeing Gansey upset like this was harder on Ronan than listening to his terrible Latin.

"I don't like Blue" he said, "so you can stop beating yourself up over that okay. You're not, like breaking some carnal friend rule or anything like that. Well, at least not with me. You probably are with Parrish."

"If you don't like Blue, then why does she make you so… I don't even know what it is that she makes you. But, it's something. I know it's something." Gansey was insanely pleased that Ronan was not interested in Blue. But he was also very confused. It wasn't a casual disdain that Ronan felt for Blue. It was something more, and Gansey was quite tired of not knowing.

"It's not Blue. Not really. She just, makes it worse." Ronan sounded annoyed. And he was, a bit. _It shouldn't really be that hard for Gansey to figure this out_, he thought. In all his life, Ronan hadn't ever been as close to his brothers as he was to Gansey. It stung a little, him not being able to see it- the way Ronan took notice of Adam's gestures. He had almost gone to jail for beating Adam's bastard father to a pulp. He had gotten Adam his apartment and even arranged for the rent to be lowered when Aglionby tuition went up. Ronan was always careful, around Adam. Careful not to let it show. But he hadn't been that careful around Gansey.

The two boys stood face to face in Ronan's room, Chainsaw lurking in the corner. Ronan with his hands crossed over his chest and Gansey the epitome of confusion.

"Think about it Gansey," Ronan said, "you already know."

Gansey did think. He thought about the way Ronan's eyes drifted to Blue's hand in Adam's. He thought about the fight Ronan had with Declan after Gansey attempted to introduce Adam and Blue. He thought about the lack of interest Ronan had in Orla's orange bikini. He did know. He should have always known. He should have made it easier for Ronan, so that it wasn't an unspoken thing.

"Oh," Gansey was unsure of the best way to express how little this changed things between them. He did not care if Ronan was attracted to girls or boys or elephants for that matter. All that had ever mattered to Gansey, when it came to Ronan, was that he stayed in one piece and tried not to get himself killed or kicked out of Aglionby. Gansey needed Ronan, in the way that one needs their mother and father. They were brothers. This changed nothing. Being brothers meant that he knew Ronan would not want to hear some sappy speech about how Gansey accepted him for who he was. This was a pivotal moment in their relationship and he needed to handle it appropriately. Which meant, he needed to make light of the heavy moment.

"Well," he said, letting a smile slip into place on his face, "guess you're the one in need of a blow up doll, then."

Gansey's word were like tiny scissors cutting away the webbing Ronan had so carefully layered around his heart. With each snip he felt more free. In that moment he was eternally grateful that he had met Richard Gansey the third. This was the brother that nature hadn't given him. The one that would always be there, always understand him. This was the person he would fight and die for. And so, he did what anyone his position would do upon discovering their best friend was better than they had already known. He slugged him in the shoulder and told him to get bent.


End file.
